One. More. Week.

I would rather claw my eye balls out with a rusty fork than wait any longer! I'm so ready to know if IUI #3 worked. Do not fret though. I'm in NO hurry to pee on a stick. I learned that lesson the hard way with the last cycle. Remember my very faint 2 lined test that led me to believe I was in fact pregnant, but maybe not really pregnant? That was followed by the 3 day grieving process as we refused to accept the fact I had started my period and IUI #2 had officially failed. 

If this cycle failed.... 
We will not be moving forward with IUI#4 right away. I cannot miss any more work since we will be extremely short-staffed as the door continues to rotate and people quit on top of everyone taking vacations during the summer months. We also do not have the money set aside for another cycle right now. We aren't broke. We've just spent nearly every penny of my savings on almost 2 years of doctor visits, tests, medication, ultrasounds, surgery, more medicine, and those wonderful $50 a pop ovulation predictor kits (complete waste of money might I add). It really drives me crazy how insurance companies will pay for pregnancy prevention, but the second you start seeking assisted reproductive treatments to correct issues so you CAN get pregnant, you suddenly have to pay for ALL of it out of pocket. It stinks so much. Hopefully it will all be worth it though. 

If this cycle failed... 
I will become a crazy gym rat yet again. I have barely been in the gym since right before my surgery in November. My doctor strongly discouraged me from running, lifting heavy weights, and doing a lot of jumping/hopping, etc for fear of my enlarged, medicated ovaries twisting. He didn't have to tell me twice. So I took my workouts down about 3 notches until I was just a nudge above geriatric aerobics with light hand weights. If this cycle failed I plan to distract myself with the gym workouts I loved until it is time for the next cycle. 

If this cycle is a success... 
Almost 2 years of prayers and pleas will be answered, but I will be hesitant to shout it from the rooftops until I know without a doubt that the baby or babies are healthy and planning to stick around for a while. When we thought we were pregnant in October of 2012, I remember the pain of each "Congratulations! We're excited for you!" I would then have to explain to the person that we were not pregnant. It was a little annoying. We had confided in so few people, yet there were SO MANY people congratulating us during a very difficult time. They congratulated us for nothing.  I also remember the pain of losing my babies in my previous marriage. It is such a raw, sad, consuming feeling. So I'm saying all of that to tell you this....IF this cycle is a success, I will not be broadcasting it immediately. If we choose to share with you that we are expecting, please feel honored we think enough of you and our friendship to share the exciting news with you before we share it with others. Please also respect our wishes to keep it relatively private until we are 100% certain it is safe to tell everyone. That means if we tell YOU, we want YOU to know. Don't post it on Facebook. Don't share it with your sister. Don't tell your mom who would then tell her cousin... who would then tell someone else. Please. Please respect our wishes. 

If this cycle is a success... 
I have proven 4 OB/GYN doctors wrong. So if you are struggling with infertility and your doctor has told you, "It appears you will not be able to have any[more] children." think of me. Think of how hard I fought to prove God is bigger than a diagnosis. I hope with every ounce of my being that God prevails and our miracles come so I do not have the constant replay in my mind of those doctors telling me "you can't" "It won't happen" "it just happen like this sometimes".