What do we miss when we hide within our comfort zone?
Take the word "we" out for a second. What do I miss when I hide within my comfort zone? Personally, I feel like I have missed out on relationships! I'm so guilty of not reaching out to people from time to time who might need a little boost because... well... it might require me to *gasp* talk to a stranger. This is not something new. I've been a little on the shy side for as long as I can remember. Once I get to know someone, and I'm comfortable around them, I open up. I'm a sealed little mystery until then though. With age, I've slowly begun to push myself outside of my own limits. I'm not moving mountains by any means, but I'm definitely working on it!
When I'm stuck in my comfort zone (a.k.a my own little, peaceful, drama free world), am I missing the fullness of God? YES! God wants me to be comfortable being uncomfortable! I have to step outside of my little box and have faith in God. I realize this comes easier for some than others. That's what makes this world a beautiful place though! If we were all the same, what fun would that be? If we all lived in the same little comfortable box, how could we really accomplish what God wants us to accomplish? We wouldn't! We would all be stuck in own little comfortable worlds.
When I decided to write about our infertility journey, I was absolutely terrified. When I hit the publish button on that super long post in 2013, my heart sank. I had prayed over it for several days and finally just took the leap. I was uncomfortable, but at the same time I had high hopes somewhere, somehow someone would read my words and it would be an encouragement one day. After that first post, the future posts became easier. It wasn't always rainbows and sunshine though. I did hit a few bumps along the way, but in the end I felt like I was being called to share my story. I realize what I did is not something everyone feels called to do! I'm not saying we should all air our personal business online. I am saying sometimes we feel called to do things we wouldn't necessarily think we would do. In my case, sharing all of my reproductive issues with family, friends, and strangers was what I felt I needed to do at the time.
Here I am today. I've been tossing a few ideas around for where I want my blog to go and how I want to continue. I have a very special place in my heart for women who are faced with an infertility journey, women who are dealing with pregnancy loss, and just women who just need someone to be real with! [waving hello] With that being said, I am so patiently waiting for God to show me where to go from here. I have been feeling a tiny little tug at my heart lately to start a prayer group specifically for these special women in my life. Nothing fancy. Just a little group who gathers together once a month or so just to pray with and for each other. I SO badly wanted to be a part of something like this when I was struggling along my own journey, but I never knew how, where, or when to get the ball rolling. Doing something like this will be a bit out of my comfort zone. I feel a little anxious just typing all of this out, but... but... but if we all stick with what we are comfortable with and what makes us always feel warm and fuzzy, how can we experience the fullness of God's plan for our lives?
Ponder on this with me for a minute...
If you never step outside of the box, how can you ever really see the big picture? It isn't about me. It isn't about you. It is all about God. What does God want you to do? How can you use your life, your journey, your experience to help someone see God's greatness?
Now put your coffee down and go be uncomfortable!
I sat in a very familiar waiting room yesterday waiting for my name to be called. I've sat in that waiting room before as I held back tears of disappointment. My husband and I sat in that waiting room numerous times when we were pregnant with R&A. Yesterday I was surrounded by few women who were sitting with what I would assume to be their mothers... maybe? Perhaps they were future grandmothers waiting to sneak a peek at their little grandchild? I noticed a few college-age young ladies scrolling through their phones too. Then there was me...
I was there for a follow up appointment for some postpartum issues. After I told the nurse about how much better I had been feeling mentally and emotionally thanks to some new coping methods and a bit of medication, I began telling her about my periods and how terrible they had become. If you have followed my journey for very long, you know I do not have a regular period. When I do have a period, it is typically very painful, heavy, and miserable. I had high hopes some lifestyle changes (regular exercise and some dietary changes) would help alleviate the symptoms, but after several months... it just wasn't working. When my doctor came in, I knew what we were about to discuss, but I silently prayed I was wrong.
"You don't want anymore kids, right?"
With my history, I knew this would come up. I have struggled with heavy, irregular, painful periods for almost 20 years. I KNEW eventually I would have to have this discussion. I have been tremendously blessed with three amazing children. My womb brought three miracle babies into this world. Now we are faced with the reality that I will not be carrying anymore babies in my womb. At the age of 30, I sat in a room and heard the word "hysterectomy". I have joked with my mom for several years and said, "I wish someone would just take all of this out since it doesn't work right anyway." I was joking though. Now that I know I'm so close to that happening, it isn't funny. I'm 30. I.AM.30.
My doctor did give another option before we go to the extreme of a hysterectomy though. He suggested an endometrial ablation. He also said he will go in laparoscopically (again) to clean up any endometriosis. There is a possibility I may have some fibroids causing some issues as well, so he feels these procedures will help. He was very straight forward when he told me this might not fix it. He said it will at least buy me a few more years before a hysterectomy though.
I did not write this in hopes someone would offer me sympathy and say, "Oh poor Kari." Listen. I am a little overwhelmed by the fact I am facing this, but at the same time I am so thankful I was able to give my husband two beautiful babies. We both prayed and remained hopeful we would bring a child into this world. After a long, trying journey...We did. We were blessed with two at once. My reproductive organs do not function the way they should. In the bigger picture, I know taking care of this NOW will help me be a better mom and wife in the long run. It will be rough in the beginning for sure, but I am looking forward to living a life without heavy, painful periods.
I'll leave you with this photo of my three little miracles. . . I'm squeezing them a little tighter this week. I know I beat all odds thanks to God and His amazing plan. God is so good and I pray He will be with us as we face what's next for me.
To read about my last surgery here.