Why is there a wall here?!

"You, me, we should get together now
Cause love may never give another chance
Please don't be afraid to let me in
Cause we may never get this moment back again"

-"Something to Lose" by Corey Smith

I am at a much happier point than I was on Monday...Thank God. My situation with Gavin is slowly improving.  I have tried really hard to not get upset with him over everything since Sunday night. When he gets upset with me, I just look at him and tell him "I'm sorry you feel that way, but I do love you even if you think I don't." Divorce has to be hard on children. I am fortunate enough to have grown up in a home with both of my parents; therefore, I cannot even begin to try to understand what Gavin has been through. All I can do is just pray that one day when he is at the age where he might be considering settling down, he will choose to marry someone for the RIGHT reasons. I hope he chooses someone who is his BEST friend and can tell everything to.  I hope when she walks down the aisle on their wedding day, I can look at Gavin's face and see happiness.  I pray that they will put God first in their relationship. Until then... I plan to be the #1 lady in his life!!   I am looking forward to having a dinner date with him tonight followed by a game or two of mini cornhole. We may even throw in a kitchen dance party if we have time! Oh how I love my dance parties in the kitchen with Gavin. :) 

What's the title to this blog all about?

Well. Sometimes when I get in my funky sad, depressed moods, I try to shut people out. I tend to not want to share the details of what's going on in my head with others, so instead I try to be short and pretend nothing is really wrong.  In previous relationships/ friendships, I have let my guard down and let others into my little world. Shortly after the guard came down.... those individuals ran away as fast as they could. Over time, it has taken a lot for me to really open up to someone and let them into my little world due to my fear of getting hurt.  On Monday I was trying so hard not to let someone (put the puzzle pieces together and figure out who) know what was really wrong with me. I was slowly shutting this person out because I was afraid.  Monday night I had the phone conversation that changed everything. I laid everything on the line. I figured, "Well. I'm just gonna throw everything out there. This is me. Take it or leave it. Take  it... Great. Leave it... I've gone down this road before. I will survive." 

I chose not to blog yesterday because I focused my thoughts elsewhere. I instead sent a LONG inbox message thanking someone for proving they are worth my time... proving that nice guys do exist... and proving it is ok for me to let my wall down. 

The last two days I have been trying to fight the cold sickness that is trying to take over my body. I have taken my vitamins, drank my orange juice, drank my water, and slept at least 8 hours each night.  The sickness is winning, but I'm not through fighting!  My alarm went off at 5:50 this morning. As I stirred around trying to find my phone so I could start hitting the snooze button every five minutes, I thought to myself "Ugh. I feel worse today."  After I hit the snooze and laid in my bed a minute, "Something to Lose" by Corey Smith started playing on my phone.  I automatically had a huge smile on my face because I knew what this meant... someone was calling me!  I didn't find my phone in time to answer the call, so shortly thereafter I received a text asking me if I was awake. My response was "barely".  I decided to go back to sleep a little while longer. At 6:27 Corey Smith started singing to me again...  I love good morning phone calls so much, even when I feel like death. 

Until next time...

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