The Day I Fell Apart

Today. Wednesday, September 16, 2015.... 

I love my children. I love all three of them with every ounce of my being. I love them more than I love Oreos (which is a whole dang lot). 

In March, I was desperate to whip my body back into shape. Desperate with a capital "D". I was doing literally everything I could think of within reason to lose the baby weight. One night while pumping,  I stumbled across a health and fitness page on Facebook. I watched as this woman who was currently pregnant did some pretty intense workouts. I wanted to be her. I looked at the videos of her working out while her two kids played in the background. I wanted to be her so bad. I wanted to be in shape so I could be a better mom for my kids. At the current time, I was still wearing maternity pants and shirts even! My kids were three months old and I was still wearing maternity clothes!!! It made me feel so icky. I have ZERO self confidence. 

Let me preface the rest of this story by telling you this... before we started fertility treatments, we agreed I would stay at home with the kids. All 3 of them. I wanted to be a full time mommy! 

So I joined a "sneak peek" group and realized there were tons of women just like me out there who also wanted to whip themselves back into shape after having kiddos.  I chatted with other twin moms and realized, "Hey! They are doing this too! So can I!" Long story short, a week after joining this group of women, I became a Beachbody coach. My original plan was to just use the sweet 25% discount to get my Shakeology shakes cheaper and I would get a discount on products (programs and equipment if the need came about). Well, as I started losing the weight, people started asking me what I was doing. I gladly told them what I was doing, but didn't really push any sales. I was NOT wanting to become one of those people who turned their social media accounts into a "PLEASE BUY THIS FROM ME" deal. There's nothing wrong with it if you are the type of person who does that sort of thing, but it just wasn't what I wanted to do.  I did make an attempt to let people know what I was doing though that way if they happened to want to join me or purchase products, they might think of me before buying off of Amazon or Ebay. Once again... I didn't want to spend a lot of time on this. My goal was to get myself back into shape. Period. 

Here I am today though. This afternoon I have no clue where my phone is because my twins crawled away with it when I refilled my water bottle. As earth shattering as that may seem, I'm so relieved I have no idea where it is right now.  Aside from me being on my laptop pounding my thoughts out on the keyboard.... I am officially UNPLUGGED. This afternoon I have realized I allowed myself to get sucked into working again. Yeah... its a little business. I'm not raking in the dough, but in the last month I have felt the need to be so present on social media so people will realize, "Hey! Kari sells that stuff I was reading about!" I feel like I have to reply to messages as quickly as possible out of fear I will lose a sale. I stay up late at night scheduling posts for my like page.. I sip coffee while I read up on the latest Beachbody news. I scroll Pinterest during nap times so I can find new and motivating things to post on my page or within my groups so maybe just maybe someone will choose ME as their coach. ON VACATION I STAYED UP LATE ONE NIGHT SENDING EMAILS OUT TO PROSPECTS because it was the end of the month and I was trying to close some sales. 

Don't get me wrong. It is fun helping people, but in the grand scheme of things... this isn't where I want to be. I will share my love for health and fitness with whoever asks! I will tell you what I do and what programs have worked for me. If you ask, I'll tell you about the Beachbody products. If you want to start a program with me, I'll gladly shoot you a text each day and we can help hold each other accountable. If you'd like to run with me at the park on Mondays or Tuesdays, I would gladly enjoy your company!! 

I have twins who are growing quicker than words can explain. I have an almost 12 year old who is involved in sports. I don't shower everyday because I feel like I have no time!  My hair is in a messy bun 99.8% of the time. I love the way I feel now physically. I'm healthier than I've ever been. I know how to eat and what to eat. I'm wearing the same size jeans I wore in high school. I'm also losing precious precious time because of my presence on social media... all so I can make some extra money. Money I don't necessarily need. What started out as just a hobby and a way to get a discount on my programs and shakes has totally taken over my day because I have let it. 

So today, Wednesday September 16, 2015 I'm telling you this: I don't have it all together. There are some days I hide in the bathroom just to reply to emails. I ate 5 Oreos last night because I was stress eating.  I will not reply as soon as you send me a message. I have no clue where my phone is. I need a shower.