The Day I Fell Apart

Today. Wednesday, September 16, 2015.... 

I love my children. I love all three of them with every ounce of my being. I love them more than I love Oreos (which is a whole dang lot). 

In March, I was desperate to whip my body back into shape. Desperate with a capital "D". I was doing literally everything I could think of within reason to lose the baby weight. One night while pumping,  I stumbled across a health and fitness page on Facebook. I watched as this woman who was currently pregnant did some pretty intense workouts. I wanted to be her. I looked at the videos of her working out while her two kids played in the background. I wanted to be her so bad. I wanted to be in shape so I could be a better mom for my kids. At the current time, I was still wearing maternity pants and shirts even! My kids were three months old and I was still wearing maternity clothes!!! It made me feel so icky. I have ZERO self confidence. 

Let me preface the rest of this story by telling you this... before we started fertility treatments, we agreed I would stay at home with the kids. All 3 of them. I wanted to be a full time mommy! 

So I joined a "sneak peek" group and realized there were tons of women just like me out there who also wanted to whip themselves back into shape after having kiddos.  I chatted with other twin moms and realized, "Hey! They are doing this too! So can I!" Long story short, a week after joining this group of women, I became a Beachbody coach. My original plan was to just use the sweet 25% discount to get my Shakeology shakes cheaper and I would get a discount on products (programs and equipment if the need came about). Well, as I started losing the weight, people started asking me what I was doing. I gladly told them what I was doing, but didn't really push any sales. I was NOT wanting to become one of those people who turned their social media accounts into a "PLEASE BUY THIS FROM ME" deal. There's nothing wrong with it if you are the type of person who does that sort of thing, but it just wasn't what I wanted to do.  I did make an attempt to let people know what I was doing though that way if they happened to want to join me or purchase products, they might think of me before buying off of Amazon or Ebay. Once again... I didn't want to spend a lot of time on this. My goal was to get myself back into shape. Period. 

Here I am today though. This afternoon I have no clue where my phone is because my twins crawled away with it when I refilled my water bottle. As earth shattering as that may seem, I'm so relieved I have no idea where it is right now.  Aside from me being on my laptop pounding my thoughts out on the keyboard.... I am officially UNPLUGGED. This afternoon I have realized I allowed myself to get sucked into working again. Yeah... its a little business. I'm not raking in the dough, but in the last month I have felt the need to be so present on social media so people will realize, "Hey! Kari sells that stuff I was reading about!" I feel like I have to reply to messages as quickly as possible out of fear I will lose a sale. I stay up late at night scheduling posts for my like page.. I sip coffee while I read up on the latest Beachbody news. I scroll Pinterest during nap times so I can find new and motivating things to post on my page or within my groups so maybe just maybe someone will choose ME as their coach. ON VACATION I STAYED UP LATE ONE NIGHT SENDING EMAILS OUT TO PROSPECTS because it was the end of the month and I was trying to close some sales. 

Don't get me wrong. It is fun helping people, but in the grand scheme of things... this isn't where I want to be. I will share my love for health and fitness with whoever asks! I will tell you what I do and what programs have worked for me. If you ask, I'll tell you about the Beachbody products. If you want to start a program with me, I'll gladly shoot you a text each day and we can help hold each other accountable. If you'd like to run with me at the park on Mondays or Tuesdays, I would gladly enjoy your company!! 

I have twins who are growing quicker than words can explain. I have an almost 12 year old who is involved in sports. I don't shower everyday because I feel like I have no time!  My hair is in a messy bun 99.8% of the time. I love the way I feel now physically. I'm healthier than I've ever been. I know how to eat and what to eat. I'm wearing the same size jeans I wore in high school. I'm also losing precious precious time because of my presence on social media... all so I can make some extra money. Money I don't necessarily need. What started out as just a hobby and a way to get a discount on my programs and shakes has totally taken over my day because I have let it. 

So today, Wednesday September 16, 2015 I'm telling you this: I don't have it all together. There are some days I hide in the bathroom just to reply to emails. I ate 5 Oreos last night because I was stress eating.  I will not reply as soon as you send me a message. I have no clue where my phone is. I need a shower. 

1 comment:

  1. I'm thinking things like this are the case with many mothers. It's wonderful that you are able to stay home with your children but I can see where something like this could happen as well. Prayers for peace for you and stress free days ahead. Soak up all of these precious moments with the ones you love :)