Breathing Through the Chaos

Life Lately

The last few weeks I've said numerous times, "It isn't rainbows, sunshine, and unicorns at my house." Contrary to what some may believe, I do not have it all together. I hired someone to clean my house every other week because I was overwhelmed by the amount of hair balls and dust bunnies in my house. Now, my house is clean for a few hours after my cleaning angel leaves every other week. Before I can even marvel at the sparkling kitchen floor, the cat will throw up or one of the kids will spill something. It never fails. This is life and that's ok. 

I have dabbled in the bandwagon that is running (or trying to run in my case) a business online. It seems everything I learned in college and all of the sales training I had when I actually worked in an office setting are no match for the social media world. Occasionally I'll have some time and a surge of great ideas will flood my mind. I've focused on trying to drive a wedge and set myself apart from others, but let's face it... My sales experience and knowledge of products means nothing when it comes to this stuff. Everyone is selling something these days....EVERYONE. In the last couple of weeks, I've made myself unplug and be less available via social media. I learned it doesn't pay off for me to be so present. I've talked to people, followed up, and invited. I've answered messages and emails within minutes. It doesn't matter though. My heart just isn't in it anymore. It is exhausting scheduling posts, setting up ads (for Facebook to deny by the way), and maintaining a presence just for people to say "oh I didn't know you sold that!". I'm not a pushy sales person. That's not how I was taught to sell. So in the last week or so I have stepped back so I can reevaluate my purpose as far as my business goes. In the end, I feel God will lead me to do something else. I honestly feel the tug from Him each day for me to hang it up. I just can't seem to make myself let go though. I want to help people. I feel like God is wanting to use me in a way where I can do just that, but overwhelming myself with social media posts, accountability groups, [dramatic] competition, and deviating from everything I ever learned about sales just doesn't seem like my calling. at. all. Stay tuned. 

Finally. The twins will be ONE on Thursday. I've been wrapped in this wonderful chaos for almost an entire year. I have survived... somewhat. There have been days where I have cried and convinced myself I cannot do this. There have been days when I felt like superwoman and wanted to take on the world with my twins in tow. I've prayed daily for God to just give me the patience and strength I need to be the mom He wants me to be to my 3 precious children. At the end of the day, I know this is what I've always wanted. I know this is the life I hoped and dreamed of for so long. I am a mother. I am a mother to twins who are into everything, refuse to nap at the same time, and put everything in their mouths except for their food. I have a 12 year old who tries my patience. He stays so busy with sports. It is hard for me keep up sometimes. He won't eat his veggies and drinks way too much sweet tea. I am a mother. I am a mother who doesn't shower everyday. My hair is rarely ever fixed. I've learned it's ok to go out in public without a full face of makeup on. Yoga leggings, Under Armor shirts, and Nikes are my daily uniform. I love it, but at the same time I feel so overwhelmed sometimes. My hands are full just like my heart. I'm exhausted, but I'm so blessed. I feel like I'm so unworthy of this life. 

Last but not least...  
I think I'm ready to be a blogger again. I'm not sure what direction I will go in yet, but I think I need this blog as an outlet and as a place to leave my thoughts. More to come on that later... 

I'll leave you with this picture...