Roadblocks, Detours, and Acronyms

"There is a difference between giving up, and knowing when you have had enough." 

As September fast approaches, I am reminded of what I was doing a year ago. A year ago I was planting the thought of a Baby Bell into my husband's mind. I had baby fever, and it was NOT going away. We got a puppy thinking it would cure my baby fever. Wrong. I would see babies in public, babies on Facebook, babies at church. Babies were everywhere and I was ready to make the next step in our marriage. I was ready for our family to grow 2 extra feet. I was ready for a baby. 

One year later... we are still waiting. We are still ready one year later. One long, trying year later I sit here trying to convince myself that it will ok if we do not have a biological child of our own. One year later I log in to Facebook to see pictures of 3 month olds who were just a mere blob on an ultrasound a year ago.  I am facing the reality that I may never feel a baby kick inside me ever again without going to the extremes that I promised myself I would never go to. 

Over the past several months, a few people have commented on how open we have been about our journey. Honestly, if it wasn't for other women sharing their journeys via blogs, books, notes on Facebook, etc... I would have gone crazy long ago. I am not alone. I never want a woman to hear the word "infertility" and think she is alone. I never want a woman to feel like it isn't normal or ok for her to kick and scream as she reads about  the procedures and cost associated with intrauterine insemination or in vitro fertilization. It isn't a journey filled with rainbows, sunshine, and warm, fuzzy feelings. It is a journey filled with pokes, praying, shots, tests, more tests, more praying, transvaginal ultrasounds, HSG tests,  predictor kits, thermometers, tears, screaming, praying, praying, praying and screaming some more. 

The day Nashville Fertility and IVF were laid out as options, I lost it. IVF is expensive. IVF is time consuming. It would require a lot of missed work days. It would involve me handing over $10,000 and hoping I wouldn't be buying tampons in the next 9 months. I'm not a risky person. I don't like to gamble. I don't like to take risks. Ask my husband. I don't just toss $10k around like it is nothing. I save and save and save just in case. I like black and white. I have to see what the end result will be. I like to have everything laid out and planned in front of me. You get the point. IVF involves me taking a risk and praying I'm making the right decision. 

I've often caught myself making bargains or deals with God. I've promised I will do better this time around if He would just give me one more chance. I have said I will be a better mom and not let work get in the way this time around. I have hit my knees in my bathroom floor while holding so many "not pregnant" pregnancy tests while I prayed for patience and strength to get me through the day. I have hidden in the bathroom stalls at work just so I wouldn't have to see a newborn baby or a pregnant woman. I have laid in bed on a heating pad while giant tears streamed down my face as I read my Bible. I have called my mom while she was at work and begged her to come hold me. I have sat in the parking lot at work and thrown my phone across the car after getting bad test results. I. Have. Hit. Bottom. 

On the flip side of all of that... I have attended a handful of baby showers. I have shopped in the baby section. I have celebrated friends' pregnancy announcements and offered a helping hand to friends who were expecting. I have rejoiced at first words, first steps, and first birthday parties. I have listened to Gavin pray sweet, precious prayers over me. I have become closer to God. I have become closer to 5 little 4 year olds at church. I have become a better wife. I have become a better friend. I have learned patience. I have learned to turn things over to God versus trying to carry the weight of the world on my own. 

According to several medical professionals, it is a pure miracle I ever got pregnant with Gavin. God has a HUGE plan for Gavin. He is almost 10, but sometimes acts 30. I'm blessed to have the chance to spend 3 days a week this precious gift. 

I've often asked the question, "Why me?" I know this is not my will. This is God's will. Maybe one day this will all be worth the wait... Or maybe one day God will take my longing for a Trey Bell baby away. Either way, God chose us for this journey and we will glorify Him through the way we handle it. I'm not giving up... 

1 Samuel 1:27-28

How Much Patience Do You Have?

I have started this post at least five times in the last 8 months. I would get a few paragraphs written, then I would decide "Nobody will want to read about this".  There's too many happy, warm, and fuzzy things going on. Nobody will want to read this.  Well. Here I am. I'm sitting in my chair pounding out my feelings on my laptop. There might be one person read this or there might be fifty.

Here goes nothin'....

In 2006, shortly after I graduated from Motlow, something didn't seem right. I was going longer than normal without having a period. When it would come, I would be in the most awful pain. I had given birth to Gavin just three years before. At times, I would compare the pain to the moments before I told the nurse I needed my epidural. It was bad.  In November of 2006, my nightmare began. I had gone longer than ever without a period, so I called my OB/GYN to make an appointment. I was ready to get some help. I was tired of it. After explaining to the receptionist why I needed to get an appointment as soon as possible, she scheduled an appointment for the following week. A few days after scheduling my appointment, I woke up to what appeared to be my period. "Oh now you decide to show up?" I almost cancelled my appointment, but something told me I needed to go in anyway. Shortly after my exam began, the doctor started asking a series of questions that made my heart stop. He told me to get dressed. He left the room quickly. I was terrified. What is going on?  After what seemed like an eternity, the doctor finally returned and instructed me to go across the hallway for an ultrasound. The tech poked and pushed around as I had tears running down my face. I caught a glimpse of a dark spot on the screen and started to panic. "What is that? Is that supposed to be there?" Of course, he wouldn't tell me anything. He just did his job and told me the doctor would discuss the results with me in a few moments.  At this point, I wanted to scream.

I sat in the hallway staring at the floor for several minutes. I probably sent a few texts to friends and my fiance at the time. I can't remember.  Eventually the doctor came out in the hallway, placed his arm around me and told me, "It appears you are having a miscarriage. This happens to a lot of women. It isn't something you have done. It just happens sometimes."  As I sat on that chair in complete shock, I couldn't make words. All that came out was, "Why?".  He couldn't give me an explanation. He had his nurse give me a piece of paper and directions to the lab for blood work. I had so many questions, but I couldn't make complete sentences at the moment. All I could think about was how empty I felt.  The week before, I was pregnant. Today, I'm losing a baby. 

Fast forward a year or so....  It was time for my annual check-up. Since I was working and going to school in Murfreesboro at the time, it made sense for me to find a doctor in Murfreesboro.  After doing some research and talking to a few college friends, I decided Dr. Kelly Williams at MMC would be the doctor for me.  I called and made an appointment. Due to him being such a busy guy, I had to schedule my appointment for a few weeks out.  No big deal. I could wait.  When my appointment finally came, I loved him. He showed so much compassion for his work. He asked a lot of questions. I told him about my miscarriage in 2006. He looked me in the eyes and told me, "It doesn't just happen. I want to do more tests."  I was at a point in my life and marriage that having another baby wasn't on the radar at the time, so I was hesitant. A part of me wanted to know why though, so I agreed to the tests.

The Day I Will Never Forget...

Two weeks after my first appointment with Dr. Williams, I returned for a follow-up. Alone. Big Mistake. Dr. Williams came in with an odd look on his face. He read off a bunch of test results that might as well have been in another language. After he finished reading the results to me he said, "So what does all of this mean? It means when you are ready to have another baby, you will have trouble." He said there were medications and treatments. Once again, I felt like I wasn't at a point in my life that I wanted another baby, so as tragic as the news was... I was ok.  I was still in college and didn't have a well paying job. I had a 4 year old and my husband at the time wasn't in a hurry to have another baby.

In 2010 I lost another baby...

As most of you know, I got remarried in May of 2012 to the man I had hoped and prayed for my entire life. In October of 2012, I started having strange symptoms. I was exhausted, had pain in my lower back and abdomen. I would need to pee every 30 minutes it seemed. I have UTIs quite often, so I went to the local walk-in clinic to get checked out and hopefully get some antibiotics. The doctor (or PA or NP whatever he was) tested my urine and told me it was clear. I did not have a UTI. He asked a series of questions, then said "Could you be pregnant?" My heart started pounding. I got a little excited. I WANTED to be pregnant! This is amazing.  He tested my urine again for pregnancy. The results were negative, but he said it might be too early to tell. So he told me to see my OB/GYN ASAP.  Since I had begun working in Tullahoma, I had recently switched doctors and was seeing an OB/GYN in Tullahoma now. I made an appointment with her as soon as possible, but tried not to get my hopes up.

I was literally crushed at my appointment with her. My husband had gone with me; however, he was not allowed to go back with me. The doctor did an exam, asked several questions, and "assured" me that I was probably not pregnant. She told me I probably had a little cyst or something. She ordered an ultrasound, some blood work, and told me to come back the following week to go over the results. In the meantime, I was miserable. My symptoms were getting worse. I was in so much pain, so tired, had NO appetite, and was nauseated most of the day. When I went back for my follow-up visit, the doctor told me it looked like I had a kidney stone and some small cysts on my ovaries. She said the cysts might be from where I was about to ovulate though. I asked her if the cysts would cause any problems since we were trying to get pregnant. She looked me right in the eyes and told me, "NO".  After 2 months of ovulation predictor kits, fertility tracker iPhone apps, irregular periods, big fat negative pregnancy tests, PMS symptoms that gave me false hope of a pregnancy, I decided it was time to call my doctor again. She kept suggesting I take birth control to make my periods regular. I didn't want birth control! I wanted a baby.

After a meltdown that lasted for what seemed like days, it was time to get a second opinion. I had stopped having periods. Something wasn't right. I made an appointment with another doctor in Tullahoma, even though my gut feeling kept telling me I needed to go see Dr. Williams in Murfreesboro. I was working in Tullahoma and my job doesn't exactly allow for a lot of time away. I convinced myself that sticking with a Tullahoma doctor was my best option at this point. This doctor gave me a tiny bit of hope and a lot of frustration. After a full blood work-up and 2 ultrasounds, she gave me three options. Two were very expensive options  that involved checking my tubes and uterus and one was to take birth control for a couple of months to get my cycle back on track, then we would see if I could ovulate on my own. In the heat of the moment, I caved and chose the birth control option. I was terrified. This was what I had a feared was wrong the entire time....my body wasn't doing what it was supposed to do. I'm a woman. I'm supposed to have babies! Why is it so hard for me to have another baby?!

After a few days of talking it over with my husband, I felt like the birth control was NOT the option for us. I cried and cried and cried. I hated people. I hated Facebook with a passion. I removed the app from my phone because I was literally crushed everytime I saw a new "Woo hoo we're pregnant!" post.  I lost friends because I was dying on the inside and didn't want to talk to anyone about it. I was tired of hearing, "Stop trying so hard"  "Oh it must be stress." "God has a plan and maybe this isn't in his plan." "Oh but you already have a baby".  I was over it. I had been a positive Polly long enough. I had dismissed my inner battle and put on a happy face long enough. I was done. I was angry. I was frustrated. I felt like it wasn't fair I had to go through so much. I got angry with people who called me a "bad friend".

I called the doctor's office after a few days and left a message with the receptionist telling her we wanted to try another option. I didn't want to do the birth control. Somewhere in the relaying of the message, the nurse thought I wanted to just stop taking it. So she called me back and left a message for me telling me that "this is just temporary to try to get rid of the cysts." I tried for 2 days to call her back and tell her, "THAT'S NOT WHAT I CALLED YOU FOR! The doctor said I had other options, why do I not have options now?"  No response.

Weeks went by and it was time for my 6 week blood work. The nurse came in and told me she would schedule my follow up ultrasound for mid-May. I lost it. I demanded a sooner appointment. I was not waiting until May to find out if cysts were gone. Especially since I had people tell me, "Oh I have cysts too and I got pregnant!" Clearly, I could get pregnant. I can't get pregnant on birth control though!  I left the doctor's office that day hysterical. I called my husband crying, then I called my Mom crying. I called my sister-in-law crying. I hit my breaking point. This was it. It was time to call the person who I should have called months ago, Dr. Williams.

I called MMC OB/GYN that afternoon. It was a scary feeling making an appointment for a fertility consult, but I knew this was the next step and our only option.  On March 27th, our journey took a new path. Dr. Williams told me everything I had wanted a doctor to tell me. There isn't anything wrong with me. I'm not broken. He would do everything in his power to try to get me pregnant, I just had to trust him. He told me he isn't God; therefore, he doesn't have the right to tell me I should try for a year before we do anything. We wanted a baby now, so there was no reason for me to be on birth control. After almost an hour, we left MMC with a prescription for my first round of fertility treatment, directions on how to take it, and two pamplets. One was for infertility and one was for PCOS.  I read as much as I could about the drug I had been given. I prayed and cried that if it is God's will for this work, please let it work.

So here we are today, 1 month after the day Dr. Williams gave us a lot of hope. That's all I had needed all along... Hope and a plan.

This journey has brought my husband and I closer together. It has shown us who our true friends are. I have made new friends and developed an amazing support system. It has been a hard, trying journey but it will be worth it one day... hopefully sooner rather than later.  I see pregnancy announcements now and I just smile. Hopefully one day we will make a pregnancy announcement of our own. Hopefully one day I will get to experience the moving and kicking of our little miracle baby. Until that day comes, I will hold on to my hope and the fertility bracelet that someone who has felt the things I am feeling gave me. 

"I prayed for this child, and the Lord has granted me what I asked of him. So now I give him to the Lord. For this whole life he will be given over to the Lord."

1 Samuel 1:27-28

Wedding(itis)

10. Days.

This may quite possibly be my last blog as Kari Neal. Who Knows! I might get a free second next week and decide to blog one more time before I run down the aisle. Yes. I said run.

I have weddingitis. If you were ever a senior in college or high school, you may be able to relate to what I'm feeling right now. It is quite similar to senioritis. I feel like I put so much work and preparation into the first five months of wedding planning. Now that I'm at the end, I'm just throwing stuff in there to make it look good. It reminds me of a few papers or presentations I worked on my senior year of college. At the beginning of the semester, the professor would plant the seeds in our minds for us to begin thinking about our final papers. I would research, prepare, and organize up until the very last few weeks. I eventually reached a point where I felt like I had poured everything into my paper and it was time to just throw in some "fluff". Graduation was in sight. I was tired of preparing and organizing. I was just ready to turn in my paper and graduate. I. was. D-O-N-E. I am throwing in wedding "fluff" at this point. I'm tired or preparing and organizing. I'm tired of having to do lists. I'm just ready to walk down the aisle and be married. I'm officially OVER wedding planning.

Oh. Another Thing....

If you have the pleasure of following me on Twitter, you may know I made a huge, drastic decision a few weeks ago. We (Trey and I) decided it would be best for me to resign from my job. In hindsight, I have horrible timing. In my flowers, rainbows, sunshine, and unicorns view of the world, I never imagined I would get the reaction (or lack thereof) I did. Needless to say, I originally planned for June 8 to be my last day. My employer clearly had another plan. So..... Next Wednesday, as I'm losing my mind two days before my wedding, I will also be fighting back tears as I pack up my office of almost four years. This is good. I just need to get over the shock of it happening quicker than I had originally planned.

So here goes nothin'. In a week I will be ironing my Nationwide Insurance shirt for the last time as I try to mark last minute items off of my wedding to do list.  That Jamaican vacation sounds better and better every single day!

Wedding To Do List: Done and Done....

We have 83 days and 4 hours until the BIG DAY....

Thanks to our hectic schedules, we have become the couple who fall off the face of the Earth on random weekends just so we can get things done. Shew. Yesterday began bright and early with a breakfast from Hardee's drive thru, a quick trip to Trey's work, and an hour drive to McMinnville. We finished the day with our engagement session at Arrington Vineyards, picking up shirts and ties from Men's Warehouse, and dinner at Bonefish.  This morning I woke up to go to Trey's so I could send him off on yet another work trip.  Oh and did I mention all 175 of our wedding invitations arrived yesterday? *sigh*... I almost feel like we are on the home stretch now.

bridal.registry.
We ventured to McMinnville yesterday morning to register at this amazing store-- Southern Traditions. I fell in love as soon as I walked through the door and saw the Vera Bradley display. Since Vera Bradley gifts aren't part of a bridal registry, I had to put off my Vera browsing until after we were finished though.

Words cannot even begin to express how awesome this store is. I wanted 1 of everything!  We managed to finally decide on some beautiful china, flatware, silver, and a few random fun serving pieces for the football parties we plan to have this year. It was so fun! I love how Trey has pretty much the same taste I do. We would be looking at some pieces, and he would say, "I like this one" or "I don't like that one". Luckily, the ones he liked were also the ones I liked. Registering for china was much easier than I had anticipated it would be since he DID offer input!

engagement.photos
I was so nervous. I was so so so nervous. I had never done anything like this before. I was unsure of what to expect. I couldn't decide what to wear. My blow dryer overheated halfway through me blow drying my hair. I couldn't get my hair to curl the way I had wanted it to. My bangs were in my face. I couldn't get my makeup to cover up how badly my face has broken out this week.  It just seemed like I was doomed from the get-go.

Of course our engagement session HAD to take place at Arrington Vineyards. As soon as Stacy started snapping photos.... I was no longer nervous. It just seemed so natural. Trey was so calm and kept making me laugh. THIS WAS FUN!!!! Stacy is so creative and has such a good eye! She had a way of making us feel comfortable. I've never done well with the posed photos. I never knew what to do! Stacy didn't pose us thank goodness. We just acted the way we normally do and she snapped photos! It was great.

Trey also had a few tricks up his sleeve...
Our second location was on the side of the road near some train tracks.  Just as we finished taking some pics in front of this beautiful fence, the train came by. Stacy sent us out to take some pics in front of the train. We were literally in the middle of the road! Trey picked me up and swung me around. I think he tried to warn me before he picked me up, but I didn't hear him due to the sound of the train! I cannot wait to see how those pictures turned out!

planning.the.wedding
In previous blogs, I have mentioned I am not scared one bit about getting married again. Even though we have only known each other for just over a year, and some may feel we are rushing this... when it is right, it is right! I know he will sit on the front porch with me in our rocking chairs when we are 95. I know he will take care of me when I'm sick. I know he will not go out and buy living room furniture without talking to me about it first. I know he will love me when I'm grey and wrinkly. I know no matter what, he will be with me until God calls one of us home. I KNOW with every ounce of my being that he will be beside me for the rest of my life. I know he is my best friend and I am his. So even though this may seem "thrown together" or "rushed", I feel like we have a better grip on what is going on than some people who may have dated 3+ years and were engaged for a year or more.  We have both been through what may resemble hell in previous relationships, so we know what is important and what is not. We both know what we have is what we each have waited on and prayed for our entire lives.

Yesterday, Stacy gave us a gift. She gave us an amazing book about the first year of marriage and how important that first year is. I have read books on marriage before, but this book brought tears to my eyes after reading just the first two chapters. I have no doubt in my mind the first year will be a huge adjustment for us. I know it will be hard at times. I know it isn't going to always be rainbows, sunshine, bouquets of roses, and happy days. It will be hard. However hard it may be, I know we can handle it... TOGETHER. This is no longer just about me. We are a team now. As cheesy as it may sound, it is true. In all honesty though, it really isn't just all about Kari & Trey. God put us together. Through Him we finally made it to this point in our lives and through Him we will live our lives, raise our little Bell babies, and live happily ever after. A good marriage is based on Him. Loving my husband is me loving God. Respecting my husband is me obeying God's commands.

After May 26th, we will be husband and wife. The wedding planning will be over, but the marriage planning has just begun. . .

Kari Bell. It has a nice ring to it....

Mission: Snatch Trey's Last Name.

Rachel Lowe said she is surprised I haven't blogged about my wedding planning, so here ya go! I'm blogging about wedding planning. If anyone has trouble sleeping at night, they can read my wedding planning blog and slip into dreamland in no time!

My wedding planning adventure is in full swing. We have a venue, a photographer, a bridal party, MY DRESS, a honeymoon destination, a plan, and 131 days. A month ago I was basking in the amazing thought of being Mrs. Trey Bell. I still am today, but the feeling is multiplied times 10. In 131 days the double doors of Fairlane will open. I will walk down the aisle to a man who is just as excited to marry me as I am to marry him. Tears will be shed. Big smiles will be present. I will finally know what it feels like to be loved by a husband.

Someone asked me today if I'm scared. Since I have been married before, and clearly that didn't go well at all... I guess the thought of getting married again should be a little scary. Honestly, there is not a single ounce of doubt or fear in me. I'm not scared because I know this is where God wants me to be. I know this is where I am meant to be.  For so many years I wondered what it felt like to be loved by someone as much I felt I loved them. Don't get me wrong, the love from Gavin is an amazing feeling, but everyone deserves to be loved by a partner in life. Everyone deserves to feel like they are good enough. So as far as being scared, I'm not. This is what I've always wanted. I have found my partner in life. I have found the man who has enough patience to deal with me on my bad days. He has a heart big enough to love me and Gavin. He appreciates the small things I do. He never lets a day go by without reminding me how much he loves me. He cares about me. He makes me laugh and lets me cry on his shoulder when I'm upset. He looks at our marriage as a "team effort". He understands I am not perfect. He is my best friend. As cheesy as it may sound... he is.  I feel complete.

Trey and I are blessed to have been part of a 14 week Love and Respect study at church before we got engaged. We were the only not engaged, unmarried couple in the class.  The class was amazing. Not only did we learn from the weekly videos, but we also learned from the couples in the class who have been married 20 - 30+ years. We learned how to talk through things without coming across as defensive. I learned that even though sitting in the machine shop might not sound like a ton of fun, it is time spent with Trey & that makes sitting in the machine shop worth every single second. I learned to be thankful. I learned that loving Trey is me loving God. We are commanded to love and respect our spouses. I learned that men and women are different when it comes to conflict resolution.


THE. DRESS.

Let's be honest. 98% of women out there want to know about the dress. I found THE. DRESS this past weekend at an undisclosed store. After trying on 5 or 6 dresses... I stood in front of my mom, my aunt, my Granny Doris, Caity, and Rachel in a what was one of my favorite dresses, but I wasn't sure if it was THE. DRESS. Someone said, "Trey will cry"... Then, they put a veil on me. I had to bite my lip to try to hold back the overwhelming amount of emotion that hit me. I loved the dress. I loved the way it looked. I loved the little details of it. I knew this was the dress. This is the dress I wanted. This is the dress I will marry my best friend in.


SOMEONE SAID THERE'S A PARTY?

Ah yes. The bridal party! I couldn't be more pleased/ excited about the ladies who will be standing beside me on the most important / memorable day of my life.

I have the friend who planted the seed in my head that Trey would be a great boyfriend. After witnessing the train wreck of December 2010 and a brief Alabama trip, she knew what I needed. I needed a GOOD GUY. She just so happened to have "this friend". I knew her friend from previous group shindigs, but I didn't really think her friend would be into me due to the fact I'm super girly and probably not his type. After a few of her organized double dates, I was convinced. She was right.


I have my childhood pal who has been there for every breakup, broken heart, and clumsy fall. She has always reminded me the rotten ones along the way were not good enough for me. She has offered to beat up a few too. She has made me laugh. She has made me cry. For 17 years we have been friends. We drift together and apart from time to time, but I always know she's there. No background story is required. She knows everything. 

I have the friend who is also joining the married club this year. Many double dates, four wheeler trips, lake adventures, and cheers on the side of mountains have been shared with her. I have known her almost as long as I have been dating Trey, and really my wedding day wouldn't be complete without her!


My flower girl is my soon-to-be niece. She personally requested to be the flower girl; however, I had already decided she would be part of the wedding. Her personality and girly-ness go well with the role, not to mention the fact she will be my niece! She has been a huge help with planning the wedding since she already has in mind how she plans to fix her hair, what color her dress should be, and what kind of shoes she would like to wear!

I have one more member of my bridal party, but she hasn't officially been asked, so my blog isn't really the place for her to find out! 


So here it is... the first installment of my wedding blog. I will try to keep future blogs shorter! ha.

Until next time...

Hey. Will You Marry Me?

December 10, 2011. . . I said "Yes."


Several people have asked for the engagement story, so here it is. . .

We had planned to go Christmas shopping on Saturday (Dec 10). We were just going to go to Murfreesboro and knock out all of our shopping together aside from what we were getting for each other. His parents had come over Saturday morning to visit and have lunch, so after they left, I went home to get ready and head back to Trey's to depart for our Christmas shopping adventure.  When we got in the truck, he said we needed to get his friends Rob and Brandy (Please forgive me if I have misspelled her name!) a bottle of wine from Arrington since they always get him some wine from a vineyard close to Cookeville. At this point I was just excited I would get to go to Arrington. I figured they would have Christmas decorations up and maybe I could get a glass of wine out of the trip too!

For those who don't know, I love Arrington Vineyards. It is peaceful. It is beautiful. I am a fan of their wine too, but being there is more than just drinking glasses of wine and snacking on crackers. It is beautiful.. just beautiful. Trey and I went to Arrington a few months ago for one of our "month" anniversaries, and I had said then we would come back on our 1 year anniversary.

Back to the story...
As we were headed to Arrington, Trey and I discussed church and other life matters. It was an awesome shopping trip already and we hadn't even bought anything yet.  When we turned on Cox Rd. (about 10-12 min from Arrington) I said, "Well we could've ordered it online and had it shipped to them." Trey agreed and said, "Yeah I didn't think of that."  We kept on driving though. As we parked I commented, "Oh I bet this place is beautiful at night!" He agreed to that too, but I knew we had too much to do and couldn't hang out at Arrington Vineyards all night so I didn't say anything else about it.  It was pretty packed due to the Wine Club, so we ended up going to the downstairs tasting room. We went in and picked up a couple bottles of wine for his friends. As we were standing in line to pay for the bottles, I saw a college friend of mine - Matt Fisher! I hadn't seen Matt in quite a while, so I was rather excited to see that he was there. Matt and his wife are expecting their first child, so I was pretty excited when Matt told me to find him and his wife after we got out of line. We finally made it through the line! We walked out of the downstairs tasting room and walked back outside into the cold to the steps to the upstairs tasting room. As I reached down to unzip the "door" to go onto the deck of the upstairs tasting room, Trey said, "Hey." So I turned around to him standing there with a the most beautiful ring  and his tear filled eyes and him saying, "Will you marry me?"  I don't know if it was the shock or what, but I didn't say "Yes" for at least 2 minutes. There was a lot of crying, hugging, and kissing and "Are you serious? Oh my God!" I think I even said "Gavin knew?"  Obviously I eventually said, "Yes."

The proposal was so sweet and so perfect; however, the fact he had asked Gavin 6 days before if he could marry me makes the proposal 10x more amazing. Gavin had worked so hard to keep a secret all week!

Wow. Wow. Wow. This is really happening!! Trey and I have talked and joked about how things will be when we get married, but now all of those thoughts are a reality. I finally experienced a REAL proposal. I get to marry my best friend and the most amazing man I've ever met in a few short months. To say I am blessed is an understatement. I am beyond blessed. I really, really am. It is such an awesome feeling to finally be at this point!

Now we plan our big day! :)

On This Day...

Today we celebrated another year of Gavin Chase laughter, fun, crazy faces, and love. I couldn't help but think... "Wow. Eight years ago on this day I still had a baby boy in my belly. THAT baby boy was still in my belly."

October 2, 2003

I don't remember exactly what I did the day before Gavin was born. I just remember I had a doctor appointment at Dr. Stockton's office late in the afternoon. My mom went with me. We left the doctor's office that evening knowing that Dr. Stockton was getting ready to yet again go out of town. We would be getting a call later that evening from the hospital (or one of his nurses) to let us know if an induction would be an option.  Much later that evening, that phone call finally came. I was terrified, but after talking with the nurse, my parents and I decided I would go ahead and be induced while Dr. Stockton was still in town. On October 2, 2003... I didn't sleep at all. I was ready to meet the little boy in my belly who didn't even have a name yet.


October 3, 2003

At 7:10pm I fell in love. As soon as little Gavin (who was named 2 hours before I started pushing thanks to help from Rachel Lowe, Eccho Staples, Callie Martin, Lashonda Holt, my daddy, & probably a nurse or two) was born, I cried tears of happiness and told my mom, "He is so cute!".  He was so cute and so perfect. My prayers had been answered...I had prayed every night since I found out I was pregnant for God to please let me have a healthy baby. I prayed for forgiveness. I prayed for Him to give me the strength to be a teenage single mom.  


So here we are eight years later. Wow. I'm still praying for God to keep my baby healthy. Each night we pray for forgiveness for our shortcomings. Tonight we thanked God for bringing us together eight years ago.


Happy Almost Birthday to Gavin! I love you, little pumpkin!